Things I Realised

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Its been almost a month I think since my last post. There's so many things happened throughout these 4 weeks; exams, tutor meeting, programmes, practicals etc. 

And these few weeks have given me something to ponder upon, some feelings that can't be describe. I've felt something different. I need something different and that need is the need to change.

I need to change myself. Since coming here, I've lost a bit of self confident which impact me a lot. I talk less, much more less than I did before and to make it worst, I didn't even speak in a confident manner which then make me seen as a weak and vulnerable person and sometimes 'sombong' maybe. 

I thought that I was just afraid to speak English hence become less talkative. But, after my tutor meeting (the one conversation that make me realised the whole situation) I started to think that shyness and assertiveness wasn't the problems. It's not the problem. Why? Because I didn't have any problem when I want to give answer to a certain question, I didn't have any problem when I want to ask questions to the lecturer. These situations happened when I'm confident enough to talk, when I know and realised the need to speak.

But then, comes another problem. I can't just always be confident when the situation like 'I want to know' but I need confident in every possible situation.

I've come to think and realised that "Indeed, I've changed so much till the point that I'm not the same -confident and strong Akmal- like I used to be, but the Akmal that is so sensitive, vulnerable and diffident", even my mom said so.

It's not a bad thing, it's just that it'll affect my career as a professional who'll dealt with different kind of people. To be able to do that, I need to be strong, flexible and confident right? And to become one, I just don't know how.

But after going through these past few weeks, I've come to realise that is just who I am.

I can be so sensitive at one point but in seconds I couldn't care less. I can be too vulnerable, just a word from someone can make me tear up but at times I can be so forward and full of determination up to the point that I can make people become so annoyed. Shyness and assertiveness? I'll always be like that, I prefer it that way, but now I'm going to change according to situation and of course according to syariat.

Kawaii~~~ 

"Hey, be confident. I know you can do it. Don't be too afraid. There's nothing wrong if you make mistakes. Learn from it if you do"

Haha. Much of a split personality huh?!

I'm going to change, I will change. I'm going to improve my conversation skills (in English ofcourse and hopefully in another few languages as well, longing to learn other languages) and my self confident.

And to the far most part, I'm going to change myself for a better me. I will change, for a better muslim, a better MUSLIMAH. InsyaAllah.

...I know I can do this because HE know I can do it...

May Allah bless you. Assalamualaikum wbt.

NMG '13

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Fuhhh. Alhamdulillah. That painful finally end. But, when I think about it, its not that painful. It's just me who didn't set my mind in the right circumstances.

It's a week full of new things which I ended up thankful for.

Big event of that week was Nottingham Malaysian Games and Malaysian Food Festival.

I did joined netball competition which our group end up losing all of it =p (beginner lah katakan) and during the 4th game, our team member sprained her ankle (we lost that game too). Her injury was quite severe due to the fact that she can't even move her feet let alone walking. So, we decided to withdraw from the game (we didn't have anything to lose, so, why not right >_<). We rushed to find a first aider (agak pelik bila such a big games, but takda first aid kat netball court especially its one of the easiest sport for you to get injured easily) and knowing it could get worse, he suggested that we took her to the A&E (Accident and Emergency department at the Notts Hospital). After like 4 hours waiting there, with a 'singing' stomach, we're finally be able to go back. She just sprained her ankle, fortunately, no broken bone, Alhamdulillah. First thing we searched for when we arrived was 'the location of our food' which was bought by our friends (mana tak cari makanan dulu, dari pagi kot tak makan proper, just chocs and snacks).

Yes, we did missed almost half of things that happened in Notts Games and not to mention, one of the largest Malaysian Food Festival, but come to think of it, its an experience like no other. And I do believe that its the best thing for us to experience that. There's always a hidden message from HIM not allowing us to fully 'enjoy' the whole event. Hey, do I even know what that 'enjoy' is? Maybe, if I'm still at the Notts game that evening, I wouldn't have much to do and much enjoyment than what I've experienced. 

Everything that happened was meant for a/many reasons, its up to us to find it, dig it, realise it and be thankful for it. 

This is what I believe.

Ok, that's all for NMG '13. Not much to say really, but one thing for sure, InsyaAllah, if HE allow, I would like to go there once more, just for sightseeing. Hopefully it'll be soon, InsyaAllah.

Bye, 
Assalamualaikum wbt

p/s: correct me if what I'm writing turn out to be different than what I'm trying to say.

Serabut Week

Bismillah.
Assalamualaikum wbt.

Huwaaaa!!! Its such a hectic, serabut week. Sooo many things to do, to decide, to read (well, ofcourse, you're a student kan).

First ~ muscle strain. Last Sunday, during netball practice I kind of trip on someones and fall straight to the court pavement. 'Ouchh' is supposed to be the reaction but I didn't feel anything at all (just the scratch maybe). 'Ohh, its not that bad' - at least that was what I thought it to be until the next morning where I've trouble leaning back, stiff neck to be exact. Not that painful but it uncomfortable especially when I tried to sleep. And its still uncomfortable now. How long will it last? I'm not sure, better to just live with it, its not that painful.

Second ~ AMBV test. 10 obj questions, 20 minutes, at least 3/10. What?! 3/10? It must be easy!!. Well, so to say, its NOT! It scared me when the lecturer said 'You need to get that min mark for you to pass' because its like equivalent to 'You need to get that low mark for you to pass and low pass mark means its a 10 tough questions'. That what I thought to be honest. I can't even grab the basic concept, let alone do a tough one. BUT, never say never before you try it. I'll just have to do my best to pass and most important, to fully understand the whole concept of first half of AMBV.

Third ~ its my own feelings of depression actually. THIS what delay the whole week and most probably the week after.

Well, that's it for my serabut week of November. Its just the first week of November and I'm already this serabut, what will happen with the next weeks if I continue to be like this. Huh, BISMILLAH and TAWAKKAL and also, DO MY BEST of course.

Wishing for best future for you and for me, this is Miss Optom-A, sign off .

p/s- the whole post is just for me to motivate myself to think positive and head for the straight path forward not backward 

Bye~~~
Assalamualaikum WBT. 

Words 2

I'm trying to change,

change to a better person.

If the changes causes you any harm,

I'm truly sorry.

But,

Please,

Understandable,

That's all I want you to be.

And for that,

I'll try to be one to.

I'm sorry...

Finally!!

First of all..

Assalamualaikum wbt (try to sound like Upin and Ipin, an awkward action --')~~~

Finally, finally, finally, I've been able to post new stuff on my blog. Quite lazy actually to even update something, well, in fact, a lot of things.

So many things happened throughout my first year in Bradford (I've already in the middle of semester 1 for 2nd year though). To think that I've wrote my last post more than a year ago kinda make me *sigh*. Its my second blog but I still didn't managed to update it as much as my past blog. Not enough time maybe (mmg penipu lah kan, byk je masa =p)

BUT this time, I'm quite determine (yeah, right) to update it as frequent as I can. 

I did mention this is my 2nd blog right? I've deleted my previous due to certain reasons and that made me regret a bit (ok, I admit, a lot actually). Hurmm. This time, this blog, its just for myself. For me to express things I can't, things I kept inside and things I felt. Kinda like an electronic diary. 

That is the reason for "...left inside are the things to be said..."

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Ok, I better stop here or I'll keep on blabbering nonsense stuff. Hah!!~~

Bye..Assalamualaikum wbt  ^_^