L i m i t ?

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum wbt

Everyone ada limit, yang mana sampai satu masa, nak tinggalkan semua benda. Itu tak salah, in fact its just makes you more human.

Limit diri setakat mana yang mampu dibawa, itu diri sendiri yang letakkan, sebab diri lagi tahu diri (well, not necessarily). Andai kita selalu jumpa dengan the wall of limit in most of things that we do, itu maknanya Allah nak beritahu yang kita tak sampai limit kita lagi. Kita boleh jadi lebih dari apa yang kita sangka.

Andai kita boleh buat/beri lebih, kenapa nak buat/beri kurang? (tapi bukan buat/beri something yang langgar Islam ye)

Buat semua dengan sebaik mungkin, so that kita takkan regret dengan tindakan kita nanti.

Its a challenge from HIM, why decline that? DIA kan lebih tahu daripada kita.

Face that challenge with alhamdulillah and lets do our best ok 

Sampai ketemu, Assalamualaikun wbt :)

Akmal

01022015

1030

Pilihan? Nak pilih yang mana ni?

Assalamualaikum :)

Salam pagi (Msia) and salam tengah malam (UK) >.<

Kebiasaannya malas nak menulis, tapi malam ni tiba-tiba rasa macam nak share sesuatu which is about option

Why?

Well, saje sebab nak share je ;)



Dalam hidup sehari-hari, dalam sedar tak sedar, dalam mata mamai dengan laluan hidup sampai rasa macam nak sambung tidur semula, mesti pilihan tentang satu-satu perkara either we realised it or not.

Example?

1) Nak bangun tidur ke tak?
2) Nak bersihkan diri dulu then baru solat or sebaliknya?
3) Nak pakai baju apa?
4) Nak pergi kelas pukul berapa?
5) Nak pergi kelas ke tak? (Ok, yg ni dah simptom malas kalau sampai terfikir, for me lah --' )
6) Nak makan ke tak pagi ni?
7) Kalau makan, nak makan apa?
8) Nak bawa bekal ke tak?
9) Nak pakai kasut / kot mana?
10) Nak bawa payung ke tak?
11) Sempat tak nak dhuha dulu?
12) Sempat tak nak ........?
13) Nak ......?
14) ...........
15) ...........

And the list go on and on. Nampak tak berapa banyak perkara yang kita kene pilih. Thats the basic I shall say in our everyday life. Belum masuk kene pilih bab yang penting and lebih besar lagi.

Macam contoh :

1) Nak pilih course mana time kat U nanti?
2) Apa yang aku nak jadi nanti?
3) Setiap bulan nak save berapa for future?
4) Nak kahwin ke tak? (Eh?)
5) ......

And again, banyak lagi lah sebenarnya.

Apesal melalut panjang-panjang ni kan?

Sebab nak cerita apa yang jadi kat aku bila option yang terbentang dalam kepala, buat endah tak endah. Bila pilihan yang dibuat itu salah. Bila menyesal di kemudiannya. Then, bila dah tersedar.

First, nak amik example yang nampak simple dulu.

Beberapa bulan yang lepas, nak ke tempat lain. So, pagi tu lepas siap-siap dengan bekal and barang-barang lain yang nak bawa, tinggal nak siapkan diri je. Dalam kepala dah tahu yang memang akan kene solat kat luar, so bawa alas untuk solat je lah. After siap then keluar. Bila tiba masa nak solat, rasa tak sedap hati. Wudhu' dah siap amik semua, tapi still rasa lain. After check, baru tahu kenapa. Hati terasa tak sedap sebab baju yang dipakai time tu macam tak appropriate untuk dibawa solat walaupun rakan lain cakap dah ok. Baju yang dipakai tu diambil dengan sambil lewa sebab dah lewat nak keluar. Padahal pagi tu dah beringat kat diri, 'amik baju yang molek sikit, sebab nanti nak solat kat luar'. Tapi sebab beringat je without any action taken, terus tersalah amik. Akibatnya time tu solat dalam keadaan yang serba-salah.

Simple kan? Sebab salah pilih baju nak pakai je, dah boleh jejaskan fokus time solat.

Apatah lagi kalau salah buat pilihan bila berkaitan dengan hal penting or besar.

Dalam hati selalu terdetik yang 'aku ni salah pilih course kot' 'salah pilih course ke sampai 2nd year je, macam dah takde hati nak study' etc

But you know what?

Betul ke pilihan yang kita panggil salah tu salah and betul tu betul? Macam mana kalau apa yang kita panggil salah tu sebenarnya betul and yang betul tu sebenarnya salah?

But wait. Ada betul or salah ke dalam buat pilihan? Why must it be betul or salah? Kenapa takda tengah-tengah?

(Eh??!)

comel!!!!!

Thats what I've been thinking for quite sometime.

Kadang-kadang pilihan yang kita buat 'nampak' macam salah, but sebenarnya tak (well, maybe not fully betul either). Each choices that we made and will make, will put us in a different mode of transportation. Whether we got a car, a plane, a bicycle or even just our own feet. That will surely bring us to our unknown destination. The time taken to get there is the only difference. Is it because of our fast-pace environment that we tend to think the faster the better? Is it because of that, that we said walking is wrong and a plane is right?

The thing that I wanna say is tak semestinya bila kita pilih sesuatu and the outcome is totally different than what we think it'll be, pilihan yang kita buat tu totally salah. Ia hanyalah salah satu pilihan yang kita ada. Mungkin ada pilihan yang lebih baik, tapi kita tak sedar. Mungkin itu pilihan yang terbaik sebenarnya and the outcome was the best one. Hanya sebab ia lain dari yang kita sangkakan, ia tak semestinya salah. HE plan everything for us, HE is The Best Planner. Setiap pilihan yang ada, dah pun ada outcome dia and each outcome tu adalah yang terbaik buat kita because HE knows far far far more about ourselves.

After all that, why must we say that its a wrong choice?

Instead of saying, A is right and B is wrong. Why don't we say that A is better than B and maybe theres C, D, E, F, G etc which is far better than A or B. We just have to find the right alphabet for our own selves not others and even if after we made that decision, we found out that theres a better alphabet than the one we chose, theres a reason for that.

Because hey, we will never know if A is totally, definitely better than B right or other alphabets right?


Thats it. Maaf sebab melalut bukan main panjang and agak lari topik + berterabur.


Assalamualaikum wbt.


p/s: pilihan yang dimaksudkan dalam semua yang di atas is after we consider al-Quran and Hadith, our main guidance. Kalau dah pilihan tu memang sah-sah tak boleh sebab dalam Al-Quran or hadith dah stated kan, obviously we need to avoid that.

p/s: p/s: even perkara-perkara yang di haramkan and tidak digalakkan dalam Islam pun ada sebabnya tau and thats for our own benefit. Allah kan Maha Pengasih :D


p/s: p/s: p/s: Assalamualaikum ;)

Akmal

0032

22102014

Post Exam / FB Post

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum wbt.

This is one of my fb status in early may, while rambling through piles of sheet ;)


Bila keselesaan menjadi penghalang untuk mencapai sesuatu tujuan, kesusahan itu dilihat lebih mudah dan senang jika ia membantu dalam perjalanan menggenggam matlamat.

'Ibrah' Exam

→lebih mudah nak jadi 'zombie' semata-mata nak habiskan bahan sebelum masuk exam

→lebih mudah nak mengkaji dan memahamkan buku bersaiz A3 1000 m/s atau lebih banyak dan besar dri tu

→lebih mudah untuk tajamkan yang wajib dan banyakkan yang sunat

Dan lain-lain......

Sungguh!! ALLAH akan permudahkan urusan hambaNya. Ketika exam, Dia permudahkan jalan kita dalam nak menghadapi exam.

Tapi....time tgh study theory and facts yang dari dulu tak faham2, terfikir.

→ aku senang sgt nak jdi 'panda' yang terlebih hitam di mata time exam. Tapi, bila bukan musim exam, nak jauhkan and bangunkan diri dari katil sesudah terjaga pukul 3 pagi, sangat2 susah.

→ senang sgt nak kaji buku beribu m/s. Tapi buku yang satu tu, hanya sekadar bacaan bukan kajian. Sedangkan masa tu ada je.

And so on lah. Kalau nak list tu, mcm byk je.

So,

'Nak cakap apa sbnrnye ni?'

Nak cakap yang...

Kalau perhati (and mmg terbukti), manusia akan lebih mudah and lebih berusaha untuk buat sesuatu kalau

1) matlamat and tujuan jelas
2) keutamaan dan kepentingan satu2 tugas dapat dilihat
3) masa yang semakin suntuk
4) ada dorongan atau paksaan dari mana2

Dan lain2.

Mcm mna kita taknak nya fail exam smpai sanggup buat mcm2.

Sepatutnya, mcm itu jugalah kita bila time2 lain, insyaAllah.

Sebab 'exam' yang sebenar, kita tak tahu bila kan?

Mcm ada sahabat-sahabat pernah nasihat

"Dont strive hard in your life to become a better person but strive hard to be a better person, then life will be easy. And hey, 'life' tang ni apa lah sgt"

"Macam banyak je masa kita, sedangkan umur makin matang (taknak lah cakap tua) patutnya makin berlari bukan makin merangkak"

"The first step is always the hardest. Kita dulu mula2 nak jalan pun kene ajar, suruh, paksa. Tapi bila dah jalan, tak igt apa dah"

"Kalau kita nak cari jalan pergi destinasi kita yang betul saat tersesat, Dia ada untuk tunjukkan peta, kat mana and jalan mana kita kene amik"

Banyak sangat kene pukul saat exam ni

--"

Matlamat sebenar............

→Nasihat utk diri sendiri yang pelupa teramat, senang terleka dan lain2←

-.-


Done...Till next time, Assalamualaikum wbt

:)

Tanggungjawab + Amanah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Tanggungjawab dgn amanah.

Bila dah diberi, dikerah baru lah nak bergerak

'Weyh wani, itu tnggungjawab semasa. Tanggungjawab setiap masa tu mcm mna?'

Adoi --'

Kalau dah tanggungjawab semasa pun buat betul tak betul. Mcm mna dgn tanggungjwb setiap masa tu?

Kalau faham amanah dengan tanggungjawab setiap masa, buat betul-betul yang itu.

Tanggungjawab dgn amanah semasa tu akan directly masuk dlm 'bakul setiap masa'

Macam poket doraemon. Kalau jaga betul-betul poket tu, ada kat tempat yang betul, macam-macam benda boleh masuk and keluarkan. And tentulah, digunakan.

Hurmmm..

Macam kene tampar je teringat amanah dengan tanggungjawab ni.

'Bila dah susah bru nak igt semua ni kan?'  ><

Bila dah terkejar nak siapkan logbook, bila pening dengan kerja yang menimbun.

Baru nak igt apa yang penting.

'Wani...wani'

'Dushh'. Nah amik.

Tampar muka tu kuat-kuat, biar pipi sekali dengan mata merah sambil tangan bancuh nescafe pekat.


K. Bye.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Saayaaannngggggg.....

Bismillahrrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Ukhuwwah??

Hurmmm..

Tolong jangan guna bahasa 'budak baik' blh tak?

Eh? Tu bahasa arab lah. Mana ada bahasa budak baik. ;p

Tuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttttt.....

Ok.. Baru nak sambung sebenarnya dengan apa yang aku rasa.

Sambil duk dengar lagu Hakikat Cinta. Teringat (plus terasa sekali)

Kasihnya Allah pada hambaNya, Dia tak pernah tinggalkan kita.

Kasihnya kita pada insan yang kita sayang, kita susah nak jauh dari dia.

Tapi...

Kadang-kadang kita terlepas pandang. 

Kasih dan sayang yang kita maksudkan tu macam mana?

Penyayangnya sifat Allah, sangat susah untuk bayangkan. 

Memang tak terbayang.

Itu memang tak boleh nak argue.

But...

Kasih sayang kita macam mana?

Apa yang kita maksudkan sebenarnya bila cakap

'Saaaayaaaangggg sangat sangat sangat kat semua'

(nak tulis pun pelik sebab terbayang ada yang cakap macam tu tpi dengan intonasi menggedikkan --' )

Bagi aku sendiri.

Nak ucapkan, nak keluarkan kata-kata sayang, rindu, etc sangat sangat teramat lah susah.

Sebab takut, kat hati takda pun rasa macam tu.

Ingat ayat kat atas?

'Kasihnya kita pada seseorang insan, kita susah nak jauh dari dia'

Back to my question earlier.

Kasih dan sayang yang kita maksudkan tu macam mana?

Aku sendiri tak pasti.

'Kasih dan sayang is boleh sampai satu tahap, kita lebihkan orang lain berbanding dengan diri sendiri. Sebagaimana sirah sahabat ketika berperang'

Tapi, hakikatnya.

Susah kan kita nak buat macam tu. Lebihkan orang lain tanpa ada sedikit pun rasa or terdetik 

'ishh, patut ke aku buat macam tu, aku juga yang rugi nanti' dan lain-lain ayat yang parallel dengannya.

Then. Aku terkedu sendiri bila 'diri sendiri' atau kata lain 'terdetik kat hati yang Allah bagi ni' kata

'Habis tu, kalau tak dapat buat tingkat tertinggi ukhuwwah tu, ko kawan or 'berkasihan' dengan dia sebab apa?'

Dushhh.

Terkedu. Terdiam. Tak tahu nak kata apa.

Fikir-fikir balik niat.

Baru tersedar yang sebenarnya.

'Aku kawan dengan dia, aku rapat dengan dia, aku 'berkasihan' dengan dia....sebab apa ea?'

Yes, memang betul susah nak buat.

Sebab tu, bagi sesiapa yang dapat buat, nikmat yang Allah bagi sangat sangat tak terkata.

Tapi, kalau kita tak usaha, macam mana nak tahu kan?

Allah SWT akan tengok usaha kita juga.

Sebab end result kita kan kene tawakal.

And, to be frank.

Ayat yang more to monolog tu sebenarnya buatkan aku teringat tentang niat.

Niat > Basic pada semua perkara.

At this point, baru rasa macam nak terangkak semula betulkan niat.

Betulkan niat yang

'Aku bersahabat dengan dia kerana kasihnya aku pada dia kerana ALLAH'

Nak buat memang susah.

Tapiii...

Jom kita cuba buat dulu nak?

Betulkan niat setiap masa.

Berdoa padaNya setiap ketika.

Supaya hati yang sentiasa berbolak-balik ini kekal pada paksi yang satu.

Walau berpusing selaju, sekuat mana pun.

Ia tetap kekal di paksi tersebut.

Wallahu'alam

Assalamualaikum wbt.... :)

p/s: sayang dan kasih pengganti ukhuwwah dalam coretan ni. walau makna ketiga-tiganya berbeza tapi ada kaitan antaranya.

Akmal 

09042014

1653

Giving Up

Bismillah. Assalamualaikum wbt.

Give up?

After more than a year (it's almost the end of 2nd year), these cultural difference or in short culture shock started to take a toll on me. Meeting after meeting, she always said the same thing 'Theres not much improvement' and the thought of giving up always pop up in my mind.

Is this the right profession for me? Is this really the one for me?

Honestly, I really want to give up all of this and just pursue what I like the most. I love cooking, I like taking photos. But every time I thought about it, guilt started to sips through me. I thought about my mom. How will she react if I did that? What will be her reaction if she know that I've done something crazy? I know for sure that she'll be disappointed and I don't want that to happened.

Is this the right one for me? I want to do something that I like, that I love.

I don't want to do something just for the sake of someone.

But…. I'm kind of bluffing if I said that because know what? I did this course because of someone. Because of my family. Will they accept it if 5 years ago, I said to them that I want to study photography or culinary or art? The reaction will be the same as what my brother got when he said he want to take photography. And I know that. I know for sure how hard, how persistence my family can be when the decision of ones future came up.

I'm in lost. Loss of soul, loss of passion, loss of thought, loss of confidence.

Jealousy. My own inferior complex makes me a bit envious of my friend. I'm sure they have their own problems but the way the managed that, I would never achieve that. They have become a matured young woman I guess, which is a path that's far from me.

Give up? I'm giving up on myself. I know that HE will not place me here if I can't do it. I know that, yes, I know!

What happened today assure me about something.

I'm lost, lost deep in the dark ocean.

I thought about what happened few weeks ago.

'Ini checklist amalan sepanjang bulan. Kalau buat tick yg atas and kalau tak yang bawah and continue this for the next one'

And at the end of it, I got back at the same place. Started at 0 ended at 0. In short, I've never move. I was and am always at that starting line, didn't even move an inch.

I am who I am. Funny caused that will always be the same line I said to myself. Know what? I said it because of comfortness, I just want to comfort myself without doing anything.

'Bagai bangkai yang bernyawa. Hidup tak memberi apa-apa makna tetapi hanya menyusahkan orang lain'

Bangkai? It suit me I guess.

Please…

I hope that I can atleast find something while I'm doing this.

At least something that I can enjoy doing without fails.

Or,

I hope that I can find the one thing that suit me.

The one thing that can make me fully enjoy doing it.

People said.

Can I do this?

I don't really know if I have anymore strength to put on.

Funny.

Because I really want another opportunity to find the right one for me. 

Akmal

1633

18022014

Things I Realised

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Its been almost a month I think since my last post. There's so many things happened throughout these 4 weeks; exams, tutor meeting, programmes, practicals etc. 

And these few weeks have given me something to ponder upon, some feelings that can't be describe. I've felt something different. I need something different and that need is the need to change.

I need to change myself. Since coming here, I've lost a bit of self confident which impact me a lot. I talk less, much more less than I did before and to make it worst, I didn't even speak in a confident manner which then make me seen as a weak and vulnerable person and sometimes 'sombong' maybe. 

I thought that I was just afraid to speak English hence become less talkative. But, after my tutor meeting (the one conversation that make me realised the whole situation) I started to think that shyness and assertiveness wasn't the problems. It's not the problem. Why? Because I didn't have any problem when I want to give answer to a certain question, I didn't have any problem when I want to ask questions to the lecturer. These situations happened when I'm confident enough to talk, when I know and realised the need to speak.

But then, comes another problem. I can't just always be confident when the situation like 'I want to know' but I need confident in every possible situation.

I've come to think and realised that "Indeed, I've changed so much till the point that I'm not the same -confident and strong Akmal- like I used to be, but the Akmal that is so sensitive, vulnerable and diffident", even my mom said so.

It's not a bad thing, it's just that it'll affect my career as a professional who'll dealt with different kind of people. To be able to do that, I need to be strong, flexible and confident right? And to become one, I just don't know how.

But after going through these past few weeks, I've come to realise that is just who I am.

I can be so sensitive at one point but in seconds I couldn't care less. I can be too vulnerable, just a word from someone can make me tear up but at times I can be so forward and full of determination up to the point that I can make people become so annoyed. Shyness and assertiveness? I'll always be like that, I prefer it that way, but now I'm going to change according to situation and of course according to syariat.

Kawaii~~~ 

"Hey, be confident. I know you can do it. Don't be too afraid. There's nothing wrong if you make mistakes. Learn from it if you do"

Haha. Much of a split personality huh?!

I'm going to change, I will change. I'm going to improve my conversation skills (in English ofcourse and hopefully in another few languages as well, longing to learn other languages) and my self confident.

And to the far most part, I'm going to change myself for a better me. I will change, for a better muslim, a better MUSLIMAH. InsyaAllah.

...I know I can do this because HE know I can do it...

May Allah bless you. Assalamualaikum wbt.